The Elements of Evil
by SaraSkyWolf
Summary: It wasn't fair. The heroes got all the fame, and the glory, and the power, and...the friends? Featuring Pitch Black (Rise of the Guardians), Discord (My Little Pony), Dr Horrible (Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog), the Master (Doctor Who), Loki (The Avengers), and Fenrir (Norse Mythology) as the Elements of Evil. It may feature others. Maybe.
1. Prologue - A Day In The Life

The universe where everything began was the only universe that experienced any changes at that point in time. But then, in that universe, the inhabitants had a history of being highly in tune with the earth, some more so than others. Still, only one was aware of the upcoming event.

The pony in question, a happy-go-lucky pink mare named Pinkie Pie, was well known for predicting things before they occurred, but she was too silly and random for anyone to take her seriously. So when she had her mane flatten seemly out of nowhere, she was worried. So she went to talk to her friends.

She found Applejack working on the farm, bucking apple trees and sending the apples into the baskets beneath with a minimum of effort.

"Hi Applejack!"

The earth pony paused mid-buck, and turned to Pinkie with an irritated expression on her face.

"Y'all need somethin', Pinkie?"

She nodded, and sucked in a deep breath.

"IwasatSugarcubeCornermakingcupcakesforLyra'sbirth dayparty,becauseshe'sawesomeeventhoughtheobsession abouthumansisalittlewierd,butmyhairwentalldroopyan dflat,whichmeansI'mreallyupset,whichIwasn't,orthat somethingbigisabouttohappen,soIthoughtIshouldtellm yfriends,sohereIam!"

Poor Applejack tried to keep up with her friend, but Pinkie was talking too fast for her, and she and her family had two days left to complete the harvest, so she needed to be working and not trying to decipher Pinkie's nonsense. Impatiently, she told her:

"Look here, Sugahcube, I don't rightly know what y'all are makin' such a fuss about, but if anythin' _was_ wrong, Princess Celestia would've said something or dealt with it herself. So y'all don't have nothin' to worry about."

She ignored Pinkie's disapproving glare and goes back to work. Determined, Pinkie galloped off to talk to her other friends. _Maybe they'll listen,_ she thought.

She tried not to talk as fast for Twilight, but it didn't help in the end. To give Twilight credit, she mulled it over for a while, even though she had been trying to study for a test Celestia had given her.

"Do you know if it's going to be a _good_ thing, or a _bad_ thing?"

she asked hopefully.

Pinkie tried to remember.

"Nope! I don't remember anything other than it was a major event."

She paused for a second.

"It's going to taste like cotton candy and liquid chocolate,"

she added helpfully.

The unicorn shook her head almost before Pinkie had finished.

"Sorry Pinkie, but I have a lot of studying to do. If you could give me more information, I could write to the Princess. What you've said so far is too vague to do anything with. And what if we did find out where it was happening, and it turns out it was unnecessary to be there? Sorry Pinkie."

Pinkie thought as she left, _well, I can't ask Rainbow Dash, since she's in Cloudsdale for the week. And Fluttershy is in Manehatten, helping out with their animals. So that leaves Rarity. I hope she'll listen._

Rarity, as it turned out, was hoof-deep in work, trying to finish a commission for a customer. Nonetheless, she stopped darting around frantically long enough to listen to Pinkie's account, and she tried to reassure her.

"Pinkie, darling, maybe it was a coincidence? And really, what could we do about it if it wasn't?"

Rarity was clearly distracted as she talked, still moving things around and murmuring under her breath. Pinkie's ears flattened against her head, and she sighed quietly, but when Rarity turned to look at her, she feigned agreement and made a couple of excuses to leave. Rarity did not protest, heading back to work without another word.

Pinkie paused halfway down the path. _Maybe they're right. I HOPE they're right._

But that night, in the royal garden in Canterlot, a crack appeared in a statue. And laughter blew through the garden on the back of the wind...


	2. Chapter 1 - Breaking Out

When the castle guards left for the night, the last to leave remembered he had forgotten his pass to leave. He told his guardmates to go ahead without him, and doubled back through the maze.

He searched for ten minutes before finding it at the foot of _the_ statue. Having found it, he almost left immediately, but curiosity prompted him to take a closer look at the thing. Truly, it was ugly, with its mismatched body parts and contorted pose. And it deserved every bit of its punishment, for being so evil, and doing so much damage. Even with all that in mind, however, he couldn't help but notice the look of terror on its face. Then he remembered what Ponyville had looked like under its reign, and his sympathy evaporated.

_If it was so terrified of being turned back into stone, he shouldn't have done those things._

Turning his nose up in disgust, he picked up what he came for and started to leave. He paused for a second as he realized something.

_Wait...were there cracks there before? Huh. Must have been, cause there they are, plain as day. The statue's disintegrating, probably. Serves it right._

With this cheerful thought lightening his mood, he trotted away, leaving the statue unguarded. After all, it was just a statue now, and couldn't do anything anymore.

Discord waited until the guard was gone, then broke the last of the stone away from his body, breathed the fresh air deeply and stretched. He looked around to make sure no one else was there, painfully aware of how low his magic was after using it all to break the seal on his prison. He used the time it took him to get the cramps of his limbs to think about what to do now that he was out of stone.

He couldn't try to take revenge, not yet. Not until he had more magic built back up.

So what could he do?

The spirit finished stretching. His muscles were beyond stiff from 7 years in stone, but it wasn't as bad as the last time he broke out, when he couldn't move for ages. And really, the only way to get them better was to start moving around. He forced himself to focus on gathering his magic and teleporting somewhere safer than the backyard of his two biggest enemies. He closed his eyes, and concentrated.

A dizzying rush of power picked him up and unceremoniously dropped him in the closest safe place he was able to think of. His head was spinning too much to get up right away, so he waited until his vision stopped spinning - and the number of fingers on his hand decreased from some number above twenty, back down to its proper ten - before he tried to move. He was dismayed to see that his magic had interpreted _safe_ as _somewhere deserted_. Normally, this would translate to someplace like the Everfree Forest, but in the state he was in, it landed him in a tunnel branching off of the crystal mines.

The same crystal mines the princesses had decreed were unsafe after three separate cave-ins in one month.

Normally, he didn't agree with them on anything, since they were his mortal enemies, but this was one instance he could wholeheartedly do so. He eyed the support beams warily, wincing as they creaked ominously. He checked his magic levels and was dismayed to find himself completely out.

_At least they'll never look for me down here. That's one upside, I suppose._


	3. Chapter 2 - Of Shoes And Ships

He decided that, since it was nearly impossible for him to get lost - he could just follow his own footprints in the dust - he was probably safe to go exploring. But first...

He stepped back from his creation and admired it. Considering that all he had had to work with were rocks, he was pretty proud of it.

_I might model my throne after this, but with softer materials of course._

The towering pile of rocks should've fallen over long before he finished it, considering how unstable it was. It sat on a narrow base, leaning to the right at an alarming 30 degrees, defying the laws of physics just to stay upright. _Definitely worthy of replication, when I get that throne finally. So marvelously chaotic!_

Having finished making up a place to sleep, he walked down the tunnel towards the end, examining the walls as he went. This looked like an older part of the mine, with its old-fashioned pickaxes stuck in the walls, and the mining hats scattered over the floor; and judging by the dust and the cobwebs, nopony had been down here in years. He wasn't sure whether that reassured him, or made him more nervous. _Not that I _want _visitors down here,_ he reminded himself, _it would be just my luck to successfully break out and escape, just to get caught because some idiot came exploring down here._

_On the other hand, though, there's probably a reason they haven't._

He scoffed at their lack of imagination. _  
I mean, just look at this place! _He froze as the ceiling above his head rumbled loudly, relaxing only when the noise died out completely.

_Okay, so maybe it's not that great. Still, it could be worse._

And then he heard the voice singing. That high-pitched, chatty, squeaky voice, belting out the same thing over and over, its sound designed to drive anyone who heard it insane.

"Trollololololololol, oh-way-I," it sang, and then paused mercifully. But apparently, not knowing all the words didn't curb its enthusiasm, because it started all over again. It grated on his nerves more than anything he had ever heard, and that was saying something, considering he had to deal with those pests that called themselves ponies. He hunted for its source rigorously for hours and got nothing for it except a broken claw and a large pile of gems.

"Show yourself, you fiend!" A tad dramatic under the circumstances, perhaps, but boredom makes everyone do absurd things sometimes.

And the voice stopped singing. He reveled in the few seconds of blessed, merciful silence before it spoke up.

"Well, isn't that a fine way to greet your host," it squeaked at him, "This is my house after all."

Discord recoiled, before retorting, "Riding farther on that train of thought, isn't it rude to sing annoying songs when you have guests?"

The voice mulled that over for a while, then said, "My apologies. I haven't visitors in a while. My etiquette is a bit rusty, but if I remember correctly, this is where we introduce ourselves. My name is Starswirl."

"Discord," he answered, bemused by the voice's strange name. He was _sure_ he'd heard that name before, but he couldn't remember where. "Does me hearing you mean that I'm hearing voices now?"

"I'm not sure myself," the voice admits. "I could tell you I'm not just a voice in your head, but then, if I _was_ a voice in your head, that's exactly what I'd say anyway."

Discord tried to wrap his head around this, but found himself simply unable to take it all in. He finally settled for asking, "Where are you, anyway?"

"Over here!" Starswirl called - and then kept calling. It was almost as annoying as the singing, but it, at least, was helpful.

Finally, he ended up in front of the crystals he had dug out of the walls. Frustrated, and getting more annoyed with Starswirl by the second, he kicked the pile.

Starswirl squeaked loudly in indignation.

"Ow! That was uncalled for!"

He looked down at the crystal his foot had hit, and at first, he didn't see him. And then an image moved on one of the facets; a dark grey unicorn with a long, white beard, wearing a gaudy dark blue hat trimmed with jingle bells. Even the absurdity of the hat, however, was unable to mask the wisdom in the pony's eyes.

Discord stared at him, wondering if this was how the ponies had felt when he played with them, not liking the idea in the slightest. The fact that Starswirl had just started giggling insanely didn't help, either.

Discord was starting to feel like he was in a really bad dream. "What's so funny?"

"Teeheehe...just the look on your face...hahaha...priceless..."

Sighing, Discord picked up the crystal and headed back, Starswirl's laughter echoing in his ears the whole way.


	4. Chapter 3 - Famous Last Words

**I own this stuff. Sure. Totally. **

***realizes there are people behind her and looks back to find a large army of angry lawyers glaring at her***

**...on second thought...**

**No. I own nothing. This entire fanfic would become a movie if that were the case.**

By the time they reached the place Discord had made his nest, he was immune to Starswirl's chatty voice. If he had thought about it, he would've been very thankful for the fact.

He turned into the chamber that housed his nest, set Starswirl's gem down on top of it, and climbed up after him. It swayed dangerously, almost fell over, and miraculously stayed upright, although it was now leaning at an impossible angle. Not that it hadn't been before, but it was certainly worse now.

Once on top, he made himself as comfortable as possible, and picked up Starswirl's gem.

The unicorn stopped giggling insanely and noticed their surroundings. He raised an eyebrow at the nest they were on top of and whistled. And for a moment, he almost looked like a normal pony, albeit a strangely dressed one.

"There are so many things wrong with the architecture of this thing, I would be here for years if I tried to list them. How is it standing?"

Discord grins feebly.

"Just a result of my natural charm, I suppose," he told the pony, in a weak attempt at humor, "and I must say, I'm pretty proud of it, considering I built it by hand. Or claw, as it were."

Starswirl puzzled over this statement for a moment, before grinning suddenly.

"You're a draconequus!" he exclaimed triumphantly, excitement in his voice. "Haven't heard of your kind in ages. How is everyone in your country? Made any major magical advances recently?"

And there it was; the road he tried very hard to never wander down, the one that led to emotions he prefered not to deal with.

"I don't know," he lied, "I've kinda been a statue for the last thousand years, so I've lost contact."

Starswirl sagged in disappointment, but accepted it with a nod.

Discord sighed quietly in relief.

Not as quietly as he intended, apparently, because the unicorn swung his head to look at him. They stared for a while, before Starswirl said the words that changed the course of history.

"There's a really cool spell I think you should try. It'll totally be fun."

**A/N: You didn't really think I would pass up the opportunity to torture them, did you? I am no different than any other author in that I enjoy making the puppets in my head miserable. **

**In fact, I quite look forward to making them miserable. Some occasions will be more severe than others, of course, but the entire purpose of this fanfic is to embarrass, humiliate, and otherwise torture these six characters; who **_**will**_** be appearing in the next chapter. Then the fun will really start. :D**

**(You didn't honestly think you were lucky enough to get through the whole story without me monologuing at least once, did you? Yeah, you just wish you were that lucky. I am **_**evil**_**, after all.)**


End file.
